Dealing With Error
A resource for Community Group leaders
Adapted from North Point Community Church
"It's week five and you're almost at the end of the group session. Discussion has been great so far. Tom, a vice-president at a computer software firm, revealed that his father consistently broke the promises he made. As a result, Tom finds it difficult to trust others and has built his life around being independent and self-sufficient. The group really rallied around his self-disclosure, with others echoing how broken promises had influenced them. You're feeling great about how things are going—that is until Marie speaks up. After covering "Tensions in the Story," you throw out the question, "What does the word 'faith' mean to you?" That's when she unloads. "You know, for me faith is about following what you believe. I know we're at a church group and all, but I don't think it really matters whether or not you have faith in God, Buddha, or Mohammed. I mean, I've met some really sincere people, some really good people, who were of the Bahá'í religion. And it worked for them. They were great people. For me, I'm here to learn more about Christianity because some of my friends are really into it. But I think it's all the same. It's all about having faith in something."
All eyes are on you. This isn't the first time that Marie has voiced her opinion, but up until now it has been pretty benign. This time feels different. You can't ignore her comment like you have some of the others. It is simply too important a topic and too direct a statement to leave unaddressed. Looking into the eyes that are staring back at you, the last thing you want them to leave this session with is the idea that all religions lead to God. But responding too strongly will only throw up walls at this point; not only with Marie, but with the other group members who are now gauging how open they can be with their comments. Plus, you haven't really been able to connect with Marie yet. You don't feel that you have enough relational capital to directly refute her opinion. So what do you do? The "Jesus" chapter is coming, so you can come back to this topic, but that doesn't help you now."
Deciding how to respond in situations like this is more of an art than a science. Each incorrect assertion voiced, each person who voices it, and each group setting it rises up out of has a different set of dynamics associated with it. It would be much easier to go to extremes. You could decide to refute every error that comes up. It's kind of like skeet shooting; they toss 'em out and you shoot 'em down. But as you know, when we overreact to these situations, nothing good happens. When we come across as confrontational and judgmental, it only builds up walls and we lose our ability to have influence in that person's life. Even though you may be right, if they won't listen to you anymore, you've lost the ability to influence them.
On the other hand, you can't ignore the situation. To do this would be to give the person a false sense of security. Not only is their worldview at stake, but when error is left unaddressed, the potential exists to confuse other group members as well. After all, if you're right but you don't say anything, you lose the ability to influence them.
So what are you to do? Jesus encountered a very similar circumstance and took a radical approach to handling the situation. At North Point Church's 2004 Group Life Leaders Retreat, Andy Stanley looked at this example from Jesus' ministry and discovered some interesting principles. While these principles have application for a variety of small groups, Jesus' unusual—even counterintuitive—approach is particularly applicable for Community Group group leaders.
Mark 10:17-22.
As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" (Mark 10:17)
Now, if someone in your Starting Point group asked this question, how would you respond? The odds are very good that you would not respond as Jesus did.
"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone." (Mark 10:18)
Where did this come from? At first glance this seems to be a very curious thing for Jesus to say. After all, the man just gave Jesus a perfect opening to present the essentials of the gospel, and Jesus wanted to discuss semantics. What Jesus was doing was starting where the man was. He took the man's words and questioned them to help him clarify his situation. If the man was willing to assert that Jesus was a "good teacher," then was he willing to go further and acknowledge Jesus as God? Was the man really coming to have a question answered, or was he simply coming to be validated? Jesus wanted the man to wrestle with these issues up front.
Then Jesus goes to another unexpected place—the law.
"You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'" (Mark 10:19)
Now if your apprentice answered the question, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" in this way—by going to the Ten Commandments—you would go crazy. Seemingly, this misses the whole point. But Jesus was speaking to the man where he was, and the man's reaction to this is very enlightening.
"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy." (Mark 10:20)
Jesus uncovered the real issue—the fact that the man thought he was "good" already. After seeing clearly where the man was, Jesus made another surprising assertion.
Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. (Mark 10:21-22)
One of the amazing things here is that Jesus allows him to walk away. He didn't feel like he had to "close the deal" right on the spot; and this was despite the fact that Jesus had no guarantees that he would ever see the man again. But Jesus knew that the man wasn't ready. He couldn't handle the ultimate answer to his question. So Jesus met the man where he was and led him a little further down the road to where he needed to be.
What can we learn from Jesus about dealing with people who have incorrect theology? A few lessons come to mind.
- Don't feel like you have to close the deal. Usually, people aren't at a place where they are willing to drop the worldviews they've picked up over a lifetime and immediately adopt a different perspective. So don't feel that you have to move them from a -5 to a +10 on the faith continuum in one eloquent and polished answer. After all, this isn't even your job. Only the Holy Spirit can change people's lives. We are there to partner with the Spirit, but life change is His responsibility. You also need to keep in mind that this is not the only opportunity this person will have to be exposed to truth. God is perfectly able to send other people and influences into his or her life. Don't feel like you have to give a once-and-for-all answer for incorrect theology. You'll need to make sure that you're comfortable with the fact that they may walk away unconvinced, but you've at least given them something else to think about.
- Validate the people and ask clarifying questions. It is important to affirm the person and let him know that you appreciate his point of view. Perhaps you could say something like, "You know, I can see where you're coming from on that." You don't need to validate his statement; but by communicating understanding you can minimize the defensiveness that naturally flows from having his views or beliefs challenged. Asking clarifying questions provides three key benefits:
- It demonstrates an interest in what is important to them. One of the most effective ways to gain—or keep—influence with people is to show an interest in what interests them.
- Their answers reveal much about where they stand. You will have a better idea about what truth to introduce when you know what obstacles stand in the way of their acceptance of truth.
- Clarifying questions can lead them to self-discovery. Sometimes people hold contradictory or even irrational beliefs without realizing it. By asking the right questions, you may be able to shine a light that will allow them to identify the inconsistencies in their own beliefs without directly challenging them.
- Draw them back to Scripture. One of the main objectives of Starting Point is to establish the Bible as the authority on spiritual matters. When errant statements or difficult questions arise in your Starting Point group, drawing discussion back to Scripture does three things:
- It draws conversation away from a "what I believe" versus "what you believe" argument.
- It reinforces the idea that the Bible is the final authority for matters of faith.
- It encourages group members to make mental connections between Biblical truth and what they believe.
Keep in mind that these are practical suggestions, not necessarily steps in a progression; points #1 and #2 above are not given to set up #3.
For illustration purposes, here are some sample clarifying questions that Tom and Marie's Starting Point leader might ask in the scenario that appears at the beginning of this article:
- "Of the faiths that you know about, which one appeals to you the most, and why?"
- "From what you know about Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or Buddhism, do your think those belief systems view themselves as all the same? Why do you think they see themselves so differently?"
- "What have you experienced that led you to view all religions as being basically the same?"
When Community Group leaders do their part—which may mean resisting the temptation to correct error—we are confident that God will do His part and draw people to faith. For most people, the journey to faith has many steps. Our goal is to maintain the influence to have more conversations, which will in turn give us opportunities to lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
So there you are. Marie has just shared how faith in anything is better than no faith at all. Everyone looks to you for a response. And what happens?
"Marie, it's obvious that you've thought a lot about faith, and I agree that it's important to follow what you believe. I've struggled with this question for a long time. Would anyone else like to share what faith means to you?"
(Your question takes the attention off of Marie. A little while later, after a few more people have shared...)
"Well, what about Abraham's faith? What was the focus of his faith, and why do you think God honored it? (or) Do you think the object of Abraham's faith mattered? In what, or whom, did he believe? Would it have mattered, had be believed in something or someone completely different?"
"Believe it or not, the Bible talks a lot about faith. Let's look at the New Testament because it says some things about faith in general, and Abraham's faith specifically. Does anyone know where this can be found? (Hebrews 11—Ask someone to read the passage.) So, what does the Bible say faith is? ... And what do you think of this definition?
"I've wrestled with this question for a long time, and have been all across the board on it. But I've now realized that faith is—as the Bible says—'being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.' That means that we'll probably never have answers to every question. But the great thing is, we've got an amazing collection of books, letters, and poetry that reveals God's story, and even how we fit in..."
(Then move on...)
Objectives accomplished:
- Marie has been validated and not rebuffed.
- The group shared its opinions.
- The group continues to explore faith as presented in the Bible through that week's theme.
- The Bible is presented as the means to best understand faith.