Engaging Men in Community
A resource for leaders of Community Groups
When it comes to married community groups, men and women can have very different experiences. By nature, women are more open and willing to interact, while men are less likely to engage on that same level. Therefore, as leaders we need to provide vision, a relevant environment, and deliberate steps to more intentionally involve the men in our groups. Doing so benefits not only the men, but also deepens the level of community for the group as a whole.
Overall, men lack opportunities to be real and authentic with other men. We have desires to be our best in what we do and we have worthy dreams for the roles we find ourselves in each day. As husbands, we struggle in consistently loving our wives as Christ loves the church. As fathers, we are stretched in our abilities to prioritize quality time with our children. And in our jobs, we may often find ourselves working longer hours than we can truly justify. But with our best intentions, we often lack in time and accountability. We find ourselves falling short of these dreams and aspirations. In addition, our busy schedules and fast-paced lifestyles cause us frustration, further isolation, and ultimately lead to disappointment and perceived failure.
God's desire for men is far from isolation. His original plan for us was to experience authentic community with one another. This involves men doing life together and utilizing relationships to provide the accountability and environment for growth that we often lack when striving to fulfill our goals on our own. The choice for men to embrace community is not an easy one, but can lead us to the growth and fulfillment that we each long for.
As the group leader, you play a vital role in initiating this connection between men in the group. As a member, you also have a responsibility to participate. This is your opportunity to experience authentic community, as well as offer it to other men who may feel stuck in life or isolated in their circumstances. Our "road map" is designed to lead your group through this process. Use it according to your group's personality and experience. It will assist you in developing the men in your group, as well as building greater community within your group as a whole.
Imagine an environment that is safe enough for men to be transparent, yet challenging enough to foster their continued growth. It is our desire that such an environment for men exist within each of our married community groups. It is God's design for us as men. We ARE a part of His plan. It's our hope and prayer that together we can make this environment a reality and transform lives along the way.
Road Map for Engaging Men
So how can you get men more engaged in your community group? It is a question many group leaders have wrestled with. And while there is no set formula to make these relationships happen, we have some practical things you can do during the life cycle of your group to help establish and foster these relationships. This list is not exhaustive, and you don't have to do everything on it, but these suggestions have helped engage men in other groups.
Early in the lifecycle of the Group-
Cast vision — For some men this is the first time they have ever been in community and they may not know what to expect. You will need to cast a vision for what relationships between men could and should be. A well-cast vision will create a common goal and motivate them to make what you are sharing in theory a reality.
Model transparency — As the leader (and apprentice) you need to set the bar when it comes to this. In general, no one will go to a place you have not already been. Be willing to take risks and continue to take them even if no one follows you right away.
Separate the men and women for prayer time — This allows more open dialogue about things that are on their minds. You may want to consider doing this on a recurring basis (every other meeting, or once a month) to create regular opportunities for men to connect on a deeper level.
Go do something (planned interruption) — Guys bond well around an event or activity because it provides a common shared experience. The activity or event gives them something to do and being together allows them time to connect.
Later in the Lifecycle:
Separate the men and women for prayer time.
Go do something (planned interruption).
Do a men's study separate from the women — Separate your group for a season and let each gender study something directly related to it. When you separate, you create an opportunity for men to put thoughts into words and deal with issues that they may be struggling with but would never have discussed in a mixed setting.
Serve inside the group — Serving other members in the group is a great way to introduce the idea of service. This can be as simple as helping fellow members with house or yard projects that are too much for them to do alone, but could be easily accomplished with the group's help.
Serve outside the group — When we serve others we take the focus off of ourselves and place it on others. This is a great way for guys to unite around a common goal and to feel like they are making a difference.
Ongoing options:
Separate the men and women for prayer time.
Go do something (planned interruption).
Serve inside the group.
Serve wives together — Serving the wives together provides the men with an opportunity to actively practice loving their wives as Christ loved the church. Because you are serving your wives together, it has the added benefit of being an activity that all the men can participate in, and will be a positive shared experience.
Prayer partners — Now that base relationships have been established, you can help them grow deeper by breaking the group up and having them pray with individual partners.
Adapted from North Point Community Church, Atlanta GA